Rising Sun
by AwesomeJen
Summary: Nessie has graduated High School and looking forward to her new life at Yale. With Jacob by her side and Edward and Bella's encouragement, Nessie faces life, adventure, and possible threats to her family as she finds herself.
1. Changes

Chapter One - Changes

Rain drizzled on the window of the little stone cottage in the woods. It rains every day in Forks, well, it seems like it rains every day_. _I thought as she looked out the window; waiting, wondering. Staring at my rain streaked reflection in the window, I can't help but to think about my life. I have always had whatever I wanted, I've never wished for something that wasn't given to me. With a father like mine, I don't even have to say a word when comes to my needs and wants, he reads my thoughts like an open book. So what is missing from my life? I bit my lip, contemplating my life. I am glad that I have the house to myself. The ability to be able to think whatever I wish and not have to worry about the sad look in dad's eyes when I think of something unhappy is a welcome change from the façade I keep of constant happiness.

Sometimes I believe the façade; I have no reason not to be happy. I have pretty much everything. A perfect Mom and Dad, Aunts and Uncles who would do anything for me, Grandparents who love nothing more then just being with me. And I have my Jacob. I feel a smile spread across my face as I think about Jacob. My Jacob. I feel so ungrateful and selfish that I would ever think that I am missing something. Mom and Dad have done everything they could to make sure I have a normal life, well as normal as a 4 year old teenager could have. Maybe I am feeling this way because we are leaving so soon. Since I graduated high school two weeks ago, it feels like I don't know what I am doing. Mom and Dad assure me that I will be happy at our new home, and Jacob will be coming too. But Connecticut is so far away from Forks. I'll be so far away from the rest of the pack, and Grandpa Charlie. Even though everyone promises to visit, the thought of leaving everything I love so much breaks my heart.

I turn away from the window and the rain that I have come to love and go to the kitchen. I'm not really hungry, I hunted with Alice this morning, but the pint of Ben & Jerry's in the freezer is calling to me. And Jacob will be over soon, and there should be some food for him since he always likes to eat. "Jacob", I sighed aloud as I dug my spoon into the Mint Chocolate Cookie ice cream. Things have been changing between us too. I have always felt like Jacob was mine and that we have a bond that is so unexplainable, it has to be magic. Jacob said we needed to talk today, and he said it in that serious voice he uses sometimes. I feel like it's going to be something big. Horror struck me. What if Jacob isn't coming to Connecticut? Maybe that's why Mom and Dad left, so that they don't have to be around to hear my heart break. So Dad doesn't have see and feel the pain in my mind. I glance at the clock on the wall, its 2 o'clock now, so Jacob will be here in an hour. I walk to my room to look in the mirror, pint in hand. I stare at my reflection. Maybe if I looked extra pretty today, Jacob couldn't tell me he's not coming with us. Maybe he would have to stay. Everyone always tells me how beautiful I am, how stunning. As I look in the mirror, I can see what they mean. I have my mother's chocolate brown eyes, at least, the eyes she used to have, my dad's hair color. Maybe Alice would come over to help get ready, help me look extra special. Can Alice make me look un-leavable?

I contemplate my options as I put away the half eaten pint of ice cream. Maybe Alice would tell me what will happen tonight, though she has been avoiding me lately, probably because she has already seen what Jacob is going to do. I decide to call her to have her come over, and that second my phone buzzes awake. I smile to myself thinking how awesome my relatives are.

"Hey Alice, I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to hang out, maybe try a new make-up look or something?"

"What's up Nessie?"

"Don't play dumb Alice, isn't doesn't really work for you."

"Yeah, I know. I'll come over, but really, you don't need to do anything to look stunning, and you know it…however, I did see you wearing the most incredible emerald green cocktail dress, so you know I had to buy it, so I'll bring it over, see you in a second!"

I snapped my phone shut. So Alice has seen what is going to happen tonight, and I was wearing a cocktail dress. That is a little odd; I am usually pretty casual when it comes to hanging out with Jacob. Before I could think more about it, Alice was sitting on the couch.

"Jeez, what took you so long?" I joked. Of all the talents I inherited from my parents, the speed was not one of them, though I am grateful that I am at least faster then the average human.

"Well, let's get to it", Alice chirped. "Not like there is a lot we have to do for you, but Jacob is going to be early and I want to be out of here before then. I saw that Alice was trying to suppress a smile. Maybe what she saw wasn't so bad, or maybe I had mistaken that expression and she wasn't suppressing a smile, but weakly trying to fake one. Alice worked her magic in no time, just as she always did. She really was an amazing aunt, and I think she was happy that I didn't quite inherit my mothers sense of fashion…I have always been Alice's dress up doll, so I don't think it would be possible not to love clothes like she did. Alice gave me a quick peck on the cheek and gave me that same suppressed/weak smile. Good luck she whispered as she danced out of sight.

I looked over myself in the mirror. Examining the details of the dress Alice had got for me. It truly was beautiful, and I wondered how Jacob could ever think to leave me. I could never leave My Jacob. Just as I felt tears welling in my eyes, I heard Jacobs knock. Really it was a lock of knock with a quick Hello while he was walking in. I could smell Jacob as he walked through the door. He didn't have the same sweet smell that my family had, but it was an intense woodsy smell that filled the air. Aunt Rose hated it, but I think it is great, it reminded me of so many great memories I have with Jacob.

I walked down the short hall and turned into the kitchen where I knew Jacob would be rummaging through the fridge.

"Hi there" I murmured, slightly nervous that he would sense the tears that were fighting to come out.

"Hey Nes" He was distracted, trying to find something that was appealing. As he shut the door and looked at me, I could see the smile in his eyes.

"Jeez Nes, you look pretty dressed up for the afternoon." Jacob said, half laughing.

"Yeah, I know, it's Alice" I said, slightly embarrassed by my thought of trying to look un-leavable.

"Hey, I'm not complaining. As long as you don't mind standing next to me." Jacob teased. I could tell Jacob came in his car, his clothes were all intact, and his hair was pulled back. He looked just as good as I could ever hope for.

"So, what's the big deal today? Are we going anywhere, or should I just go put some jeans on?" I asked. Half of me hoped we were going out; Jacob couldn't do anything to hurt me in public, right? He would never do that. But then again if we stayed home, my desperate pleading for him to stay might not look so pathetic.

"We're going somewhere, and you should keep the dress, I like it…but you'll need a jacket or something." Jacob said, looking at me over his plate of food. I left Jacob to finish eating, looking for a coat. On my bed there was a beautiful Ivory brocade coat that matched the style of the dress perfectly. Alice left a little note _almost forgot!_ Her dainty and perfect handwriting written on a post it note. She must have snuck back in here after she left. I grabbed my coat and looked myself over one more time in the mirror, just to make sure my reflection didn't show the total wreck I was inside. Everything looked perfect, too perfect. Maybe Jacob was tired of having other guys eye me everywhere we went; maybe he was tired of defending me. I couldn't dwell on those thoughts. I wouldn't allow myself, not when he was so close.

I walked back out to the living room where Jacob was now waiting for me, he had just finished eating. He held the door open for me, and as we walked out, I notice the rain had cleared up and the sun was peaking through the rain clouds. As we walked to Jacob's car, I couldn't turn my thoughts off; I never felt like this around Jacob, there was never tension between us. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Jacob noticed how quite and distant I was, though he didn't say anything. Was it because he knew how much he was going to hurt me. He held the door open for me as I climbed into the dark SUV. Windows were always dark for my family, at least the windows we face in public. I was lucky that my skin held only the slightest shimmer in the sun while Mom and Dad and the rest of the family sparkled in the sun.

"So, where are we going?" I asked Jacob as we drove on a small path through the forest.

"Not too far" Jacob smiled as he tapped the steering wheel to the music.

I took a deep breath, realizing that tonight could be the beginning of a new life. A new life, without my Jacob. The panic pressed on my heart from all side, and a think lump in my throat swelled. I swallowed hard and tried to keep my composure. I didn't want to make anything harder for Jacob. I wouldn't let him know how much this hurt, because that would make him sad, and I didn't want Jacob to feel any pain in his life. So I sat there, composed myself, and looked forward through the windshield, wishing this car ride never had to end.


	2. Confessions

Chapter 2 – Confessions

The car rolled to a stop in a very familiar place.

"First Beach? Really original Jake." I teased as Jacob got out of the car.

"What can I say, I am an original kind of guy" Jake answered, opening my door for me.

"Er, thanks." I managed to mumble as I tried to hide my bright pink cheeks. Jake never opens my door for me, we just aren't like that. What was he trying to do to me.

"I do what I can, you know." Jake smiled, holding my coat out for me. I gladly wrapped myself in it. It had stopped raining, but it was still pretty chilly out.

As we took the familiar path to the beach, we walked in silence. It seemed weird, like things have never been better between us, but here he was, taking me to one of my favorite places, probably try to comfort me telling me nothing will change. _We can still talk, I can write letters. _I hear him say in my head.

"What's up Nessie? What's wrong?" Jacob's words broke through my thoughts.

"What? Oh, nothing's wrong." I stuttered back.

"Oh, come on, I know you better then that. You're doing your nervous lip biting thing. Talk to me." Jacob pleaded. I really needed to break that habit, it made me so readable.

"I'm just thinking. School, moving, everything. Just kind of nervous, you know." I replied. At least it wasn't a lie. I was thinking about school because we were moving for it, and moving meant leaving Jake, and he is my everything…so all that was making me nervous.

"There is nothing to be nervous about Ness. I think a change of scenery will be nice for everyone." Jacob replied. I was grateful that he didn't have the ability to read my mind like my father. I couldn't bear it if I knew Jacob was going to be as hurt as I am. He probably thinks the separation would be good. Maybe I should just get it out in the open, so he didn't have to pretend tonight. So he could just be honest the whole time.

"Jake, I want to say something to you, and you have to promise not to interrupt."

"Sure sure, anything." Jacob answered, his smile touching the corners of his eyes.

"Well, I know that this move is pretty big, and it means being so far from everything here. And well, I guess I am trying to say, that I would totally understand if you couldn't come. I mean, there is nothing I want more then to have you with us. But I know there are reasons for you to stay here, like your dad, and the pack and tribe..."I could feel the tears stinging my eyes.

"Whoa, Ness, just stop right there. I know I said I wouldn't interrupt, but you are talking crazy talk, so just stop that line of thought. The only way I could ever leave you is if you wanted me too." Jacob said, practically laughing.

"So, you didn't bring me here to tell me that you aren't coming?" I answered, confused by his laughter.

"No, Nessie. God, if I knew that was what you were thinking when I said I needed to talk to you, I would have told you it wasn't bad. Is that why you have been so quiet today?"

"Yeah, I have been just so worried. But you don't have to make me feel like I am crazy; you're just being mean by laughing." I pouted, trying to not let my embarrassment get the best of me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I am so sorry I made you even worry." Jacob said as he took my hands. We were by our spot; the driftwood on the beach formed a perfect bench for us to sit on. As we sat down, Jacob tenderly tucked a stray hair behind my ear. His hand lingered on my cheek. I felt my cheeks grow hot, and new thoughts filled my mind. There was that time in Port Angeles when the girl behind the check out counter spoke to Jacob like I wasn't there, looking at him through her lashes, flirting. I was so…so…jealous? Was that what I felt then? I thought I was angry for being ignored by her, but no, that's not right, it was different, it was jealousy. And the time in Seattle when the guy on the street had said something so vulgar to me, and Jacob was there and hit him. I thought it was because Jacob thought he would hurt me, and he was protecting me like a brother would. But now, that seems different, he wasn't protecting me like a brother; he was protecting me like a lover would. As we sat there, and I looked into Jacob's deep eyes, I realized that there was something there that has always been there, but it was different then what I thought it was before. I was deeper, and the words _My Jacob_ had more meaning then they did when I was younger. This sudden realization of these feelings made my heart swell. Looking into those eyes, feeling his hand on my cheek, it was like I was looking through a new set of eyes. I have seen Jacob everyday of my life, but it was different, it was like someone took the sunglasses from my eyes and I was seeing the sun for the first time.

But now that I was seeing this, and sitting here, and I knew Jacob wasn't going to leave me, what should I do? I can't tell him, because he probably sees me as that you girl I have always been. He probably sees me as his best friend's daughter. I'll just keep these feelings to myself, at least for now.

"So, I guess you are probably wondering why I did want to talk to you" Jacob brought me back to his side with his words. "And I don't want you to get any more crazy thoughts of me abandoning you, because what I want to tell you will explain to you how I would never let that happen."

I stared at him, not really understanding what he was saying. "Ok, I'll try and not let my mind make up anymore crazy stories while you talk." I smiled...

"What I am going to tell you might sound crazy, but then again, you live with vampires, and you know I am a werewolf, so I guess crazy isn't in your vocabulary. I just don't want you to freak out or be scared. Just know that I will always be what you want me to be, and that you do have a choice in all of this."

"Okay, trying not to freak out, but I really need more info Jake."

"Right, so, we have told you a lot about the wolf culture and the tribe and everything, but there is one really important piece that we left out, mostly because we wanted you to able to be old enough and mature enough to make your own choices and to really understand what was going on. Anyway, being a werewolf, we have this, uh, process I guess that some of us go through. We call it imprinting."

"Imprinting? Please explain." I asked, curious as to what was coming next.

"It's kind of hard to explain, but basically what happens is when a wolf sees the person they are meant to be with, they imprint. It's just a bond that we feel toward that person, and nothing could break that bond. And sometimes it means we will marry that person, and sometimes it means that we will be a protector of that person. We are really whatever we need to be for that person." Jacob said, smiling in his eyes.

"So you are telling me that you have imprinted?" I asked

"Yes, Nessie, exactly. I knew that you would get this because you are so smart." Jacob beamed.

"You imprinted…on me? When? How?" I was so confused by the process.

"Yes, I imprinted on you. I think I could feel your pull on me when you were in Bella's womb. But the first moment I saw you after you were born, I knew, I can't explain how, but there was just a bond, our bond. And I think you felt it too, I have always been your Jacob."

"I know, I just thought it was…I don't know. But that's interesting, that explains a lot." I was in shock; I didn't know what this meant. So this meant that Jacob would always be mine, and he would be what I wanted him to be, always. It dawned on my and a fit of laughter escaped my lips, I couldn't stop it if I wanted to.

Jacob looked at me questioning my odd reaction, "Ness, are you OK, usually people don't laugh when they hear this part."

"Oh Jacob, I'm sorry…it's just so…perfect…it explains everything you have been in my life." I cried in between fits a giggling.

"Well, I guess laughing is better then I expected. I thought you were going to run scared and hate me and your parents for not telling you." Jacob sighed.

I stopped laughing immediately, "Wait, parents…my parents knew? Is that why they left? They were afraid I'd be mad at them?" I had to think about what thoughts I may have had that would make Edward think that I wouldn't like this. Maybe he took the thoughts I had about missing something in life as in that I needed to get away from what he thought might trap me.

"Well, I'm honestly not mad; I'm a little relieved though"

"Really? Alice saw you getting mad. Something must have changed since her vision. But why are you relieved?" Jacob asked, and I knew immediately what had changed, why I wasn't mad. I couldn't think of any other way to tell him except to show him.

I pressed my fingertips to his temples and stared into his eyes. I unleashed the thoughts that I had that made me realize how much I wanted to be with him, how I felt about him.

After I showed him, I took my hands from his head but he grabbed my right hand and held it to his cheek.

"Oh Nessie. You have no idea what that means to me." He looked at me, there seemed to be a pain in his eyes. "As I said, I'll be whatever you need me to be, but you are so young, I want you to be sure you know what you want."

"Young, I have the maturity level and understanding of an 18 year old despite how many years I have lived. And my mother knew she loved my father when she was 17! What does age have to do with anything!" I shouted, a little louder then I intended. I was just so shocked by Jacob saying that. He has always treated me like my maturity level rather then my age, so it hurt when he said that.

"Nessie, don't be mad, I am just looking out for what is good for you." He cupped my face in his hand, and came in close. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. Slowly, I felt his lips on mine, softly pressing down on mine. It was over to soon, and Jacob pulled away before I was ready. He sighed and smiled.

"You know, this is probably the best day of my life." Jacob said as he looked up at the now dark sky. "We should get home; I think your parents will be there."

As we walked back to the car, we held hands. I couldn't begin to wrap my head around the unexpected turn this night had taken. I came here, dreading tomorrow, thinking that Jacob would be gone. Now I looked forward to it. Knowing now that Jacob felt and saw how I felt, knowing that he would always be with me.

I was overcome by drowsiness. And I slept curled in Jacobs arm on the drive home.


	3. Making Plans

Chapter 3 –

Chapter 3 – Making Plans

I slept peacefully on the drive back from La Push, dreaming happy scenes with Jacob by my side. I awoke as Jacob steered the car through the rough forest ground leading up to the cottage in the woods. Sleepily I looked up at his face; his usual straight driving face was softening with a slight smile on his lips. I sat up and took my coat off, realizing how warm I was curled next to Jacob. We sat in quiet throughout the ride until Jacob's stomach growled that closely matched his wolf growl. I couldn't help but to laugh as the sound ripped through the car.

"I guess it has been like 30 minutes since last time we ate anything", I joked with Jacob.

"Psht, try like 3 hours...I'm a growing boy and I need my food!" Jacob boomed in his most manly voice.

"I hope you're not growing more! You'll be too tall to stand in a house soon." I teased. It felt so good to be the same with Jacob, I was afraid that after showing him how I felt, that things might be different, might be weird.

As we pulled up to the house, the lights were on, which meant that Mom and Dad have come back, just as Jacob said. I wondered how they would feel. They already knew how Jacob felt, and I imagine Alice already called them with change in plans. I don't think I could even imagine them being anything but happy. I tried to conjure up and image of my dad mad, but I couldn't remember anything but happiness from the time I was born, and this made me smile. Jacob noticed the smile, and looked at me with raised eyebrows. Knowing what this meant, I touched my fingers to temple and shared what I was seeing.

"You are such a sap." Jacob smiled as he opened his door to get out. I followed with an anxious/excited feeling in my stomach.

Jacob went straight to the kitchen to fix something to eat while I went to put my coat away and change into something a little more comfortable. I didn't see my parents when I came in, but I saw them sitting in the living room when I came out from changing. They had only been gone for a few days, but I was still so happy to see them. I practically ran down the hall to hug mom as she quickly stood to receive it. As I stood in her arms, I marveled at how comfortable I found both the coolness of my parents and the warmth of Jacob. I wondered if my mom ever felt the same, before she was turned.

"Yes, of course she did. You and your mother are more alike every day." My dad answered my question as he usually did, bringing me into his arms and another cool embrace.

"So where did you guys end up going?" I asked my parents as we settled into the comfort of the living room.

"We just did some cross country hunting as we went out to Connecticut to finish up the preparations for the move." Mom answered, "We found the perfect house that sits in front of a wooded area, it will be perfect. What did you do while we were gone?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing toward the kitchen. I sighed and moved over so she could sit next to me on the couch. I touched my fingers to her temples and reviewed the last few days, skipping over some of the more depressing moments I had. I could tell Dad was watching to as I showed Mom, as he usually did.

I finished with the most recent occurrence on the beach, sparing my parents from the sappiest parts and the kissing. When I finished, my mom just beamed her brilliant smile. I looked at my father, he seemed happy, but there was a slight look of hesitation is his eyes. As I thought of these, he smiled at me. "It's nothing Nes, as long as you are happy and know that this is what you want, I am happy as well." He smiled, and I could see the love he had in his warm eyes.

Just then Jacob joined us, carrying a plate overloaded with food. We sat and chatted about things. Mom showed me pictures of the new house and talked about what Esme was planning on doing with the renovations. We also discussed our "story" for the new town. Since I grew so fast, it was easy to stay in Forks for my parents, we just claimed that I was Bella's cousin, and I came to stay with them for my senior year of High School.

"So, what are we then?" I asked excited. I loved getting to play different parts, as long as it meant staying with my family.

"Well, since you look so much like your mother, you could be sisters. I am, of course, your brother in law, and Jacob, is well, your Jacob." Dad smiled.

"Sounds great. Since Jacob doesn't really want to go to school or anything, he's been looking at repair shops in town that he could work at while I'm in school. Did you guys decide that you were going to be students too?" Unlike Jacob, I loved going to school, maybe it's because I have only had a few years of it, but I loved to learn and read and I was so excited to start at Yale.

"It looks like we will." Mom sighed; I knew that she didn't enjoy school quite as much, especially since she was looking at eternity of being a student. "The weather in New Haven will be nice enough that we will be able to go out during the day a lot, so we are debating right now if we want to sign up for night or day classes. How would you feel about having your old man in some of your classes?" Mom nudged Dad in the ribs as she said old man. I thought about how it might be, going to class with Edward. "Um, I don't know, Dad is so smart, I would hate to have to compete with that, he would throw the grading curve totally off."

Dad laughed, "Well, that was a nice way of saying no. I think night classes are still probably our best bet dear, I'm pretty sure we can find other activities to occupy our day time."

"Um, your child is present, so let's keep this PG." I joked.

"What?" A look of feigned innocence crossed his face. "I was talking about doing stuff like homework, and walks in the park."

I rolled my eyes at my parents. Sometimes growing and developing so fast wasn't a good thing when you can understand an adult relationship at the age of four.

The night went on much like every other night, but in the light of new revelations, I saw Jacob as I had never seen him before. As we talked, and finally settled in to watch a movie, I noticed the small changes in his behavior. The friendly Jacob who would playfully rub his fist on my head now tenderly tucked my hair behind my ear. I think he was careful under the watchful eyes of my parents, not to do anything overtly loving, but as I walked him out to his car, his warm lips could hardly wait to crush mine when we were out of sight.

"You know I'll be dreaming about you." He whispered against my lips.

"Me too" I sighed, knowing that tonight it would only be happy dreams.


	4. Revelations

Chapter 4 - Revelations

Chapter 4 - Revelations

The rest of the week flew by in a flash. Mom and Dad all the packing in about 10 minutes, which didn't really leave me much to do, so I spent most of my time with Jake. Things were better then they ever had been and I was amazed at how easy it was to go from friends to more then that so quickly. There was no awkward stage, but that might have something to do with the imprinting and my special talents that allow me to show my feelings easily. All the tension and anxiety that I had felt seemed to slip away in the perfection that was my life.

The day before we left to our new adventure, Charlie insisted on a big family dinner with everyone. I knew it would be hard to live without Charlie, and I knew he was going to miss me. Somehow he was able to look past all the oddities that surrounded his family unlike any other human. He was able to ignore that he saw me as a toddler only a few years ago, and now I am a full grown woman. Dad has his theory that Charlie would rather believe the lie; it was more comfortable for him, so that was how we were able to be so close to him.

Dinner went smoothly, I stifled my giggles as I watched Mom and Dad push food around their plates, sliding bits and pieces of food into napkins to make it appear that they were eating. Jacob cleaned his plate, a couple times, and I happily enjoyed my food. I was grateful that I was able to choose which diet sustained me, and while hunting with the vampires made me feel strong, I was glad that I could also eat normal food. After Charlie and Jake stuff themselves, and Mom and Dad emptied their napkins, we moved to the living room and enjoyed conversation. Charlie was suspiciously eyeing the way Jacob and I looked at each other, when suddenly he burst out laughing.

"What is so funny Charlie?" Bella asked, eyes reflecting the concern and confusion that was in all of our faces.

"I. Can't. Believe. It." He choked out in between laughing. "Things just keep…just keep…getting weirder!" His eyes were leaking with tears from his laughing fit.

We all looked at Edward, hoping he might shed some light on Charlie's sudden fit of laughter. Edward's face was like a stone, he conveyed no emotion, except there was a glint of worry in his eyes. I suddenly wished I had the power to read minds too, as I was totally confused.

Charlie's laughter died down and we all stared, waiting for an explanation. "Well, I don't know how you can stand it Bells, how you could be okay with seeing Jake look at Nessie the way he used to look at you. All I can do is laugh to keep myself sane. I mean, this has to be a joke, right? This can't be right." Charlie choked out. I was still confused, but everyone else had the same worried expression as they looked between my face and Charlie's.

"Am I missing something here? What do you mean Charlie? What's so wrong about the way Jake looks at me? It's new and maybe we should've said something a little more official, but really, how could you be so shocked by this happening?" I asked, as I moved toward Charlie's side, hoping that he will answer my questions.

"Jacob is like your Uncle! He's your mother's best friend. He had once hoped to be in your father's place! I admit that after you were born, Jacob seemed to move on and realize that Bella and Edward were together." He said this to me, looking into my eyes with a look that told me he didn't blame me for what was going on, but rather looking for an explanation as to how I could be with Jacob as more then friends. He turned his eyes to his daughter, "I don't understand this Bells. I try to ignore the changes because you are still my daughter. Even though your eyes aren't the same chocolate brown, they are still my daughter's eyes. I don't care that Nessie has grown faster then it is humanly possible, because I know she is your's. But this! It's only been 5 years since you and Jake were together, and Jake is only 2 years younger then you! How could you live with him looking at Nessie like that, it's just wrong? And Edward, I couldn't understand the truce you made with Jacob, but I figured since you were the winner and you got the girl, all the tension was gone, but Nes is your daughter. It's like me setting Bells up the Billy, except worse because there were no feelings between Billy and Renee! This isn't something I can look past and I'm going to need an explanation." Charlie slumped in his chair, more upset then I have ever seen him. With all eyes on my, with looks of anticipation, suddenly, it dawned on me what Charlie was saying. My mom and Jacob had a thing? No, that can't be, Dad is mom's only real love, that's how it's always been, that's what she always says. I looked into my Dad's eyes, searching for an answer.

"Bella is everything to me, and she feels the same way about me. But there was a time, that we don't really like to remember, when I stupidly left her, and Jacob was there for her when I wasn't. We just don't like to talk about it because it's the past." Edward looked at me; I could see the regret in his eyes. "Let's go for a walk and I'll explain everything while Bella and Jake talk to Charlie."


	5. Explanations

Chapter 5 - Explanations

As we walked outside, I could hear Jacob trying to calm Charlie down, telling him that everything was natural and good. As his voice faded, I couldn't help but wonder if that was true. To us, normal had a different definition, but does that definition stretch to cover what was happening between me and Jacob.

"It's perfectly normal for us, Ness." Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Charlie has had to let a lot of things go, and we knew there would be a breaking point for him, that something would be just too much, but it's not your fault, it's just one of the difficulties our kind runs into when we are too close to humans."

"I know, in my heart it feels right, but to the outside world, if they knew the numbers, if they knew my real birth date, I think people would be horrified."

"Well, that's true, 4 year olds aren't supposed to graduate high school." Edward responded, on eyebrow raised playfully. "But really, age isn't anything but a number in this family. I'm 100 years older then your mother, it never posed a problem for her." He smiled.

"Yeah, I know. But there is more to it then just my age. Jacob has watched me grow; he's been with me since the day I was born. And then let's throw in the whole Mom and Jacob thing that I knew nothing about. I just don't know how to keep taking everything. It all feels normal to me, but if you put it on paper, it's just too much. I was born 4 years ago, I am half-vampire, half-human, my parents and most of my extended family are vampires, and now I am falling in love with a shape shifter who has practically raised me. What's going to be next Dad? When will the mummy's start coming out of the closets? When will my long-lost Uncle who is a zombie come for a visit?" I knew I was being ridiculous, but sometimes it is so frustrating.

"Yes, I know, sometimes it seems like the super-natural world is coming from all sides, and it is hard to live in a world where the people around you are so oblivious, but our family will never be normal. But being different isn't a bad thing, especially when you have a family who loves you and understands. You know, I used to think that your mother would want a normal life too. That one day she would run screaming from me, and I couldn't blame her. There was a time that I wanted her to run from me."

I looked into his eyes, and I knew the love he had for my mother, I knew that there was no one else in this world for him.

"You right, there isn't anyone else for me. But I didn't want to bring her into this world of impossibilities. I was too selfish to let her go myself, so I hoped she would do it for me."

"But you did leave, right?" I asked. Usually this subject was off limits. Mom said she couldn't bear the pain in Dad's eyes, but I had to know.

"Yes, I left. I left because I wanted Bella to have a normal life away from all of this. I should have known that she is anything but normal. I couldn't believe that when I left, she found a shape shifter." He paused with a small smile on his lips, shaking his head. "No, your mother was never destined for a normal life, and you don't have much of an option." He said sadly. "You can choose to be with Jacob, or not, but because you don't age like a human, I don't think you can ever have a normal life, at least not a normal human life." There was sadness in his voice as he said this.

"Let me explain what happened with your mother, I don't want you to dwell on what will never be, but I want you to see all the possibilities you have in your life. You are so much like your mother, and I'd like to think that you would never really be satisfied in a human world, because I know that Bella wouldn't have."

He took a deep breath, preparing for what was coming. I knew he had no problem remembering, and maybe that was what he was preparing for, but I walked quietly by his side, waiting until he was ready.

"The first few months with your mother were amazing for me. I had lived for a century, and I thought that I was always going to be alone; I thought that was my fate. But when I met Bella everything changed. I finally knew what it meant to exist. But I was also faced with the knowledge that there were only two outcomes for Bella's life, I saw the options in my head through Alice's visions. It was either death or change, and I didn't want either of those things for such a perfect and beautiful human. I tried to stay away from her in the beginning, but I had to see her. She was everything I was missing in my existence, and once I knew it, I couldn't stand to be without her. I felt terrible; I loathed myself for what I was doing to her. Everyday I spent next to her; I knew she was coming closer to her fate. But I made excuses for it, she was so clumsy and accident-prone, I convinced myself that I needed to be there to save her from herself. After we met James, and he wanted her, I realized that I didn't need to protect her from herself, but that I was the lightning rod for the danger in her life.

"When I was able to save her from the fate I knew she was meant for in Phoenix, I told myself that being in her life was a good thing. I told myself that she needed me because even though I brought danger into her life, I could protect her from it too."

I looked at his face as he spoke; there wasn't the pain I expected to see. He looked like someone who has come to peace with his past, which made me feel better, I didn't want to make my father hurt.

"Everyday I spent with her was perfect, I had never been happier and I didn't want to let her go, but the more time we spent together, the clearer Alice's visions became. I no longer could see myself killing her, but rather changing her. To me, that would be worse then death because I wasn't really ok with myself, and what I was. There was a night where the possibility of her getting hurt was all too real, and I knew I had to leave her. I knew she needed me to be out o her life so she could have a normal life. So I lied, told her that I didn't love her, and that I was leaving. She accepted my lies so easily; I thought she would be fine, so I left."

"How could you leave someone you loved so much? I can't picture you without her, and vice versa." This was the first time I was really hearing about the hard times my parents had, I always saw the happiness and love, and I didn't think there was any other way for them to be.

"It wasn't easy, and I hated every moment without her. I hated myself for putting her in so much danger in the first place, but I felt like if she could be happy and be normal, then I would survive and I would be fine. I was able to stay away for months, but I never thought of anything but her. It was getting harder and harder everyday. I was in South America, and I had to see her, I started to head north just to see her, just to see her happy, make sure she was normal as I had hoped. That is when your Aunt Rose called me, telling me Alice had seen Bella jump from a cliff. I was in shock, surely Bella wouldn't do that, she had Charlie, and Renee. I called her house, just to make sure, but I knew she would recognize my voice, so I asked for Charlie. When I was told he was at the funeral, I didn't know how to go on. I felt like the stars were ripped from my sky and nothing would be ok."

He looked over and saw my horrified expression and I tried to take the look out of my eyes.

"Don't worry Love; you know the end of the story. Alice did see your mother jump from a cliff, but she was being a crazy irrational human, imitating some of the La Push boys and their cliff diving." He reassured me as we continued our walk; I looked around, not recognizing the forest that surrounded us.

"After that, I couldn't live without your mother, and I knew it. When I came back, I found that she was not going on with her normal life as I had hoped. Only Bella would run into the arms of a werewolf when her vampire boyfriend left. I found that Bella had taken my leaving hard, really hard. Jacob was there for her when I was not, he saved her life in more then one way and I have always been and will always be eternally grateful. But when he tried to repair the hole I left in Bella, he left a little piece of himself with her, and though she knew she loved me, it was a hard time for her because she didn't want to hurt Jacob."

"It took some time, and Jacob had a hard time accepting that Bella would change into one of us, but he really does love her and wanted her to be happy. And then, when you came along, and Jacob imprinted, that changed everything. I see Jacob as a friend and as a son. He would do anything for you, just as I would, and I couldn't ask for more. When Jacob imprinted, he didn't forget all the feelings he had for Bella, but he was past that. When you came, all of his priorities shifted to making you happy. He would do anything for you, and nothing can change that. He will also be there for you, forever, as whatever you need."

I thought about his last sentence and I chewed on my lower lip.

"Ness, I just want you to be happy, and so does Jacob and Bella. If you want to be with Jacob like you are, that is great. But you can be friends too. We just want you to know that."

"I know I have a choice, and I appreciate you telling me about that time. I know it's not easy for you to remember that." I sighed as we turned around to head back to the house. My head felt clear and the feeling of euphoria I had felt before Charlie's blow up returned.

"I wonder how Charlie is doing." I wondered aloud.

Edward cocked his head and listened, "He's doing ok, he keeps on chanting, 'need to know, only need to know' to himself." Edward laughed lightly.

"Let's go Love; it's been a long day for you." He said as he pulled me into his side in a half hug.


	6. Goodbye

Sorry it's a shorty! Chapter 7 will be up soon!

* * *

Chapter 6 - Goodbye

When we got back to the house, Charlie was back to sitting in his chair, and Mom and Jake were on the couch. Charlie saw us come in and looked at me apologetically,

"I'm so sorry Ness, I shouldn't have said anything, and you shouldn't have heard that. I'm happy if you are happy."

"It's okay Grandpa, it's a different situation. I see that now more then ever, but I'm glad I know now." I hugged Charlie and tried ignore the nagging thoughts of doubt as I recalled what my Dad had said to me right before we came inside. _If you want to be with Jacob like you are, that is great. But you can be friends too. _I was happy with Jacob, isn't that what a relationship is? I knew I couldn't stand to see him with anyone else, didn't that mean my feelings went deeper then friendship alone. I could feel Edward's eyes on me so I put those thoughts away, I tried to remember how I felt only moments ago, tried to recall the clarity and euphoria I felt. I thought about all the things I have to be happy about and finally forced myself to look at Jacob, hoping that my face wouldn't give away the thoughts I had.

As I looked at Jacob, all I could see was caring in his eyes. Relieved I sat beside him, resting my hand on his knee. I noticed Charlie's eyes flicker to my hand and look away quickly. I fought back the smile as I heard the words in my head _need to know, need to know. _

"Well, Dad, it's been a long night, and we've got a big day of moving ahead of us." Bella said as she stood. "I'll miss you so much, but we will be back soon. And Billy and Sue will keep you company and make sure you are well fed."

Mom hugged Charlie, and we all followed suit. I tried to keep the tears out of my eyes, but as I stood in Charlie's arms, they willed their way down my cheeks.

"Ness, don't cry. I'll see you soon. You'll be back for Christmas I'm sure. Or I'll visit you." Charlie wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I know, I just don't like saying goodbye." I mumbled, trying to compose myself.

"Well, then let's not say goodbye. How about see you later." Charlie smiled, his eyes wet.

"Okay then, see you later Gramps." I choked out. Even though this isn't the first time I have had to say goodbye to someone close to me, this was different. When Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper left, they could come back in a heartbeat if they needed to. And I never had to worry about something happening to them. With Charlie, he is human, and he could get hurt. I didn't want to think of something so horrible happening, and he was right, we'd see each other at Christmas. With that thought, I put a smile on my face. No need to make Charlie feel worse then he needed to.

"Well, I am so proud of you, I could burst. I can't wait to hear about your classes." Charlie beamed at me standing in the door frame as we walked to the car.

"I'll do my best, love you Gramps."

"Love you too, Ness. You won't have to try too hard to win everyone over, you always do."

With that, I ducked into the car next to Jacob. Feeling his warm body, I welt a wave of comfort around me. Jacob will be with me. Mom and Dad will be with me. Everything will be fine.


	7. New Places, New Faces

Authors Note: Sorry the chapters have been coming so slow! I am getting to some more interesting stuff and I won't leave you hanging too much between chapters!

Chapter 7 – New places, new faces

The move went pretty seamlessly. We didn't need to move too much because the new house was completely furnished by Esme when we arrived. Even the closets were filled, compliments of Alice. It was amazing that we were able to find a house that suited our needs so perfectly; there was even a small guest house in the back that Jacob could stay in. I spent most of the time before school in his little home. Esme decorated it to suit Jacob perfectly and I felt at home almost immediately. The night before my first day of classes was going on like every other day had; Jacob and I were sitting at the kitchen table while he ate what seemed to be the 5th meal of the day.

"Ness, can I ask you something?" He said, looking at me seriously over his plate of food.

"Well, even if I said no, you would probably ask me anyway, so shoot." I teased playfully.

"Do you think things will change? Between us I mean. I know how I feel, and how I will always feel, but do you think that being around new people and in a new place might change your mind?" He looked as though he had been thinking about this for a long time, and Jacob usually wasn't the type to be insecure.

"Well, I don't really have Alice's handy future telling abilities, but something in me tells me that we were meant to be. That you were made for me, and I was made for you. So, no I don't think there would be any reason for me to change my mind."

"That is perfect to hear." He said as he stood and scooped me into his arms. "I can't imagine a world where you don't exist, and I don't want to." He smiled into my hair, and I knew that there wasn't a single word of exaggeration in his statement.

The rest of the night went on as it normally did, a perfect piece of paradise.

The next morning I woke up with butterflies of anticipation in my stomach. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Everyone has always been taken with me, but the doubt crept into my mind, what if things were different here. I never had anyone dislike me, and I wonder what that might feel like. As I dressed for the day, I looked over myself in the mirror. _You can do this_. I thought to myself. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs to start my day.

Bella, Edward and Jacob were all waiting for me, smiles beaming from their beautiful faces.

"We are all so proud of you, Love" Edward smiled as he looked at me, reassuring me with his eyes that everything will be okay.

"We got you a car!" Jacob babbled excitedly. Bella rolled her eyes and Jacob corrected himself, "Well, Edward and I got you a car."

I shared my mother's feelings about cars, as long as it got me to point A to point B, it was good for me, I didn't need anything to fancy. I hoped that Jake and Dad were able to keep it under control and not get anything to outrageous, but I couldn't stand to see any trace of disappointment on their face, so I pasted on the same smile my Mom had and headed to the garage with them.

And there it was, with a big, red bow, shiny and silver, my car. Gratefully, it wasn't too ostentatious, but still nice, and defiantly Edward/Jacob style. It would go much faster then I ever suspected I would need in Connecticut.

"It's an Audi TT Coupe; it will be perfect for you. Duel circuit brakes, all wheel drive for rainy days, 0-60 in 5 seconds, and Rosalie made sure to take any engine limits off, so this baby can go as fast as you will ever need." Jacob said excitedly as he caressed the hood.

"Great, I'm glad to know that I can get the freeway speeds, I'm pretty sure that you picked this out more for yourself then me, but thank you, it is very nice, and it's a good thing it's fast because if I stand around much longer, I'm going to be late and will need it."

"The guys can talk all about cars when you get home." Bella gracefully interjected.

I hugged each of them, and after my parents left us, gently kissed Jacob before getting into the car. He stood in the garage as I pulled away, smiling at my in the rearview mirror.

The engine purred as I followed the now familiar curves of the road Jacob and I took a few days earlier. I felt at home in the green canopy of the Connecticut roads, the familiar color was all I needed to ease the slight twinge of pain in missing our home in Forks. As I pulled into a parking space at the university, I noticed that this little car hardly stood out among the BMW's, Mercedes, and other new cars in the lot. I was relieved that for once in my short life; I didn't have the nicest, newest car in the parking lot. As I walked toward class, I had the familiar feeling of eyes watching me. I wondered if they could see the nervousness I was trying to hide in my walk.

Once I was in my first class, the nervousness was overwhelmed by the pure excitement of being in a classroom again. I loved going to school, and I had only been in school for 2 years now, it was too hard while I was younger and grew so fast. I loved learning and I was excited to be here. I looked around and surveyed my classmates, I could see a few people chatting quietly between themselves, I caught a few people examining me over their open laptops, one boy looked exasperated as her shuffled through papers on his desk, then I noticed him.

He was in the row in front of me, just a few seats away. There was nothing too extraordinary about how he looked, there was just something about the way he sat, the way he was. He was handsome, his skin was pale, but so were most people here. His dark brown hair was perfectly disheveled. But I was sure it wasn't his good looks, living around vampires made me very accustomed to handsome, so there was more to it. I saw two girls sitting a few seats away from him, giggling as they looked in his direction. He didn't seem to notice though, or perhaps he didn't care. He had a cool, confidant demeanor to him, and he looked as though he was slightly bored waiting for the professor to show up to class. I was still analyzing him when he looked in my direction. His expression wasn't aggressive, or even surprised. He looked at me as though he was looking at something he had seen a million times, it was indifferent. This was not something I was used to and I looked down, hoping he would do the same. As I peaked through my eyelashes, I could see that he had turned to face the front of the room once again.

The professor entered the class and everyone quieted immediately. I tried to focus on the words coming from the front, something about the great literary works, the effect they have on humanity. It all seemed to blur into a hum as my thoughts and eyes drifted to Him. Why was I so enchanted by his presence? Was it his reaction to me, was it the way he looked at me so uninterested? There wasn't a hint of friendliness towards me, and that was unnerving to me in a way.

The snaps of laptops closing alerted me to class being dismissed, and I shook my head to try and clear out my thoughts, embarrassed that I hadn't really caught anything that the professor had said. I collected my things and shoved them into my bag, determined to pay more attention in my following classes. I went through the rest of the day only being able to feign interest in what was being said. As much as I tried to block Him from my head, my thoughts always drifted back to those cold, indifferent eyes. Everyone else seemed to greet me much warmly, which calmed my fears that something was different here. Everyone acted as they people in Forks had. Warm hellos, sincere smiles, genuine compliments, everything was as it usually was. I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't be bothered by Him, that I should just brush it off as first day jitters. I told myself that not everyone had to like me, that there was bound to be a few people who didn't want to be in my company, even though that isn't usually the case.

I knew that I had to clear this out before I got home. The last thing I wanted was that look that Edward gave me when my thoughts wandered to something that he wanted to talk about but I wasn't bringing up. I didn't want to have to worry about Jacob noticing that furrowed brow expression and have him asking the questions Edward was too tactful to ask himself. As I took that same road home, I drove a little slower then usual, enjoying the smooth and gentle handling of my new car. I turned the music to my favorite pianist, my Dad, to sooth that anxious feeling I was having. I took deep breaths, in and out, as I built my mental wall to hide the thoughts of Him. Pulling into the garage I had a peaceful feeling, I was ready to face everyone and tell them about all the good things, and leave out one particular person.

Chapter note! Yes, I had to make them move! Chapter 8 soon!


	8. Butterflies and Hurricanes

Chapter 8 – Butterflies and Hurricanes

Chapter 8 – Butterflies and Hurricanes

As the days carried on, I fell into a routine of going to class, being with Jacob, and spending time with my parents. Most of the time I was as happy as I ever had been, but there felt like there was a dark spot that was constantly in the corner of my mind. After hunting with Edward and Bella, I had to get away; I was mentally exhausted from keeping my wall up surrounding him. I could see the half sad half panicked look in Jake's eyes when I told him I had a lot of homework to do before class. Really, I just needed to sort out my thoughts; I had to make sure I could do it without worrying anyone. Not Edward, not Jacob. I went to my room and mindless looked over books until Edward and Bella left, I wanted to be sure that I had all the mental air open to think whatever I needed to think.

I couldn't explain my fascination with Him, he never said anything to me, occasionally he would stare at me with those icy eyes. His stares were empty, not the looks that I would get from other people. Everyone else was perfectly open and warm, but He always was so cool. There was something there that made me want to ask him what his problem was, but I could never do it. I couldn't understand why I couldn't just brush him aside and stop thinking about him. But he had tattooed himself in my mind, and I couldn't escape it. His cold eyes pierced the warm dreams that filled my sleep. I begged my mind to go back to my happy dreams filled with Jacob and Forks. I wanted to dream that I was flying through the air with my parents. I wanted to dream about Alice and Jasper and Rose and Emmett, anything that would bring peace. But all I could se where dark figures looming, mist swirling around the cloaked silhouettes, and His eyes, harsh and blue, looking at me as though I was nothing, nothing to worry about, nothing to give a second thought to when I was gone. The feeling on impending doom suffocated me.

After yet another night of restless sleep, I knew I had to do something about Him. I had to talk to him, I had to see if all the anxiety I created was just in my head. I was determined to talk to him and put all this to rest, get back to my happy life and dreams once again.

I felt the tension build on my drive to the school, as I slide the car into a parking space I breathed heavily. _Just breathe, just focus, this is nothing, you can do this. _ I walked to class forming my plan. He always sat in the same seat; he was always 5 minutes early. I was worried that if I got there before him, and sat nest to where he usually did, he would sit somewhere else. But he wouldn't move if I happened to sit next to him, would he? It was the best chance I had so I walked around the building until I was sure he was there. I opened the door, and sure enough, just as he always was, he was sitting in the same chair. I gave a weak, apologetic smile to the group of people I usually sat with as I headed toward the empty chair next to him. I felt him move ever so slightly away from the chair I was going to sit in, it wasn't a move a normal human would have noticed, only something a half-vampire could sense. I could also feel his shoulders tense slightly, as though he was preparing himself for something uncomfortable. I set me things down and took a deep breath. His scent was different from other peoples, there was something familiar about it, but I couldn't really grasp what exactly it was. Maybe if I had Jacob's sense of smell, or if I had the full vampiric sense of smell I could decipher what it was exactly, but my slightly heightened sense of smell wasn't enough to dissect it.

I looked at Him without turning my head, just to observe his body language, his demeanor. He seemed to un-tense slightly, and I took that as a good sign. I turned to him, and with the most genuine smile I could muster, I spoke.

"Hi, I'm Renesemee, I've seen you in class the past couple weeks, and I just wanted to say hello." I waited for his response.

He turned toward me, his eyes still cold, but with something behind them, a false warmth he was trying to bring forward.

"Hello, I'm Xander. It's nice to meet you." His voice matched his eyes, cold and smooth. I fumbled for what to say next. Conversation usually came so naturally, but something about Xander made my thoughts jumble slightly, I wasn't used to it.

"Err, so did you get to the assigned reading? What did you think of it?" Always a safe subject.

"Yeah, I have read Browning before, she should have stuck to her love poems as her political pieces seem contrived and lack a certain understanding of the issues." His cool voice added harshness to his words.

"Interesting, I feel like Elizabeth Barrett Browning had a great understanding of the issues as a woman who lived and worked in that time period." I tried to respond coolly, but Browning was a favorite of mine, and it was hard to hear someone think of her great works as contrived.

"Poetry is meant for the dreamers. People who feel like all the bad in the world can be changed." He responded, and while his voice maintained the same tone, his eyes hinted at a sadness that I couldn't understand.

Before I could respond, our Professor entered to begin the lecture. I wanted to ask Xander what he was if not a dreamer. My goal for the day was to find out if he was the person I conjured in my mind, an empty body. His last statement and the look in his eyes as he said made me hunger for more of him. Beneath his cool exterior I could tell there was something, and that something wasn't bad as I had imagined. And the fact that he had an opinion about poetry, even if it was callous, it was an opinion. Most men I know, except for my father, don't think about poetry enough to form an opinion.

As class was dismissed, I quickly put my books away and caught Xander at the door.

"Hey, I don't know if you have another class to get to or not, but I was just wondering if you wanted to go grab some coffee or something, I usually have class, but it was cancelled today." That was a lie, I did have class, but I didn't want to let this chance slip by.

"I actually need to head out, maybe another time. Can I walk you to your car, is that alright?"

"Yeah, sure sure." I smiled a defeated smile but winced when I thought of Jacob. He never got mad before when I would go to study groups or out with friends, so why would this be any different? I tried to tell me there was no difference, but the knot still twisted in my stomach.

"Renesemee, you don't seem like you are from around here. You seem more like a California girl; you are too bubbly, too friendly for the East Coast." The iciness seemed to melt away from his voice the more we talked and I noticed a slight, hidden accent that sounded European.

"Ness, you can call me Ness. My full name is a mouthful. I am not from California though; I was raised in Washington actually."

"Washington? I am surprised. I thought the rain made it all doom and gloom." He asked, eyebrow raised playfully.

"Well, it might seem like that, but I guess when you have no sun, you learn to make your own. Where are you from?"

"All over I suppose. My father is in the military, so I've lived everywhere." His tone made him seem almost sad that he didn't have a defiant answer.

"Where in Europe?" I asked

"I didn't say anything about Europe." He half smiled.

"You have the slightest accent, but I am not sure I can place it. France, perhaps?"

"Ah, oui oui. I didn't realize I had any sort of accent." His half smile spreading. As I watched his face light up with a smile, I took in his beauty. His skin was a perfect contrast to his dark brown hair, not too pale, but not quite olive skinned. His blue eyes seemed to be all wrong for his face, the color was so light and stunning, yet they fit so perfectly.

"Well, it's nothing to charming, it's very slight, so I wouldn't worry about it." I teased. We laughed as we walked toward the library and I realized that I was flirting. I felt a pink flush go to my cheeks as I thought about Jacob and what he would think.

In an instant Xander seemed to return to his previous self. His coolness covered his expression. I realized we were standing next to my car. I wondered how he knew which was mine.

"Well, Ness, I am sorry I couldn't join you for coffee, but I really would like to. Perhaps we could meet for lunch and discuss our assignment this week."

I was concerned by the quick switch in personality, but the image of his face in full smile put those concerns to rest.

"I would really like that, I would love to hear which poet you feel isn't, what did you say, contrived." I smiled. "How about Thursday, my class get out at 11:45 AM?"

"Thursday would be great. How about we meet at Louis'."

"That works for me, I'll see you there." I slid behind the wheel of my car waiting for the rush of emotion. I was excited, I was anxious, I was worried, I was guilty. I knew I couldn't continue to keep this from everyone, I couldn't always pretend. But I wasn't sure how everyone would take it.

I knew that I could show Bella first, get her opinion. I hoped that she would be home when I get there. I stepped on the gas, feeling more light hearted then I had in weeks.


	9. Within

*****Author's Note - Sorry this took so long. I know it's not my best chapter, I struggled with it a little, but I wanted let everyone know that I will be finishing this story, and there is still a lot to come! So, again, I'm sorry! And thank you to everyone who has been offering reviews, Twilight fans are the best*****

Chapter 9 – Within

I pulled into the garage, thrilled at the sight of Bella's car, and relieved by the lack of Jakes. A slight twinge of guilt hit me as that thought crossed my mind, but I forced myself to forget about that, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I had to think that, I'm only meeting a friend; there is nothing wrong with me meeting a new friend. Jake never had any issues with my high school guy friends, why would this be any different?

As I walked through the door, I listened closely to try and hear where Mom was.

"She is in the library reading" Dad said from behind, he was sitting at the piano silently gliding his hands over the keys like he did when he was working out a composition in his head.

"Thanks, Dad." I said as I hurried up the stairs to the library. I heard the light tinkle of the piano keys as Edward had begun to play out his new melody. It's cautious, slow tune seemed to match my current feelings perfectly. I quickly shut the door behind me, knowing full well that a closed door does little in our house, but I felt like it was something.

"Mom, I need to talk, can you shield me?" I said urgently, not wanting anything to slip and worry Dad.

"Sure thing Ness, What's going on?" Bella smiled softly setting her book down as I sat next to her.

"It's nothing really, I didn't want Dad to overhear something and freak out like he does sometimes, and when he does it, Jake seems to know something is wrong, and I just don't want there to be a problem when there shouldn't be."

"Of course, I can't imagine how hard it is to have your father, who can read your thoughts, and Jake, who can read a face better then anyone. It's pretty hard to keep anything to yourself."

I was so relieved to have my mom, and it seems like her past with Jacob only helped her understand me better. I pulled together my thoughts that I wanted her to see. I made sure to leave out the sense of worry that I felt initially about Xander, since it seems like all that was completely unnecessary. As I touched Bella's hand, I watched her face carefully, hoping to not see any trace of disappointment. Instead, I was surprised to see the hint of a smile forming on the corner of her lips as I showed her walking with Xander to the car.

When I was done, we sat in silence for a moment. I didn't want to say anything to taint what she saw, and I wanted to know what she was thinking, wishing once again I had my Dad's gift. After what seemed to feel like minutes, but was really only mere seconds, Bella spoke.

"I think it is great that you made a date to go out with someone here."

"Well, it's not really a date; we are just going to talk about school work." I could feel a flush of pink on my cheeks. I knew that I wanted to be more then just school talk.

"Whatever it is, I think it is nice, and I don't think it is something to worry about Jacob's reaction. He knows that it is best for you to get out and talk to people who aren't in the supernatural world. He will understand, and so will your Dad. I think he will actually be a little relieved. He loves Jake as a brother, a friend, but he loves you more, he wants you to experience everything you possibly can. He was the same way with me, until he realized that I was more at home in the supernatural then the normal world." Mom stroked my hair as she reassured me. Her amber eyes were filled with warmth, and I could tell that she really believed what she was saying. Having her understanding made me feel so much lighter. I almost felt silly for any guilt I felt before. I know that Jake will be there for me however I need him. And since I don't even know what is happening with Xander, I felt it best to just leave it at a study session with a friend.

As I opened the door, I could hear Edward resume playing. _It was nothing Dad, just needed to clear my head._

At that same time, I heard Jake's car pull up and, with my Mom behind me, I was confidant that nothing would change, at least for now.


	10. Awake

Awake

**Author's Note: Sorry about the long hiatus in chapters, and about the length. I plan on getting chapters 11 and 12 (and maybe 13) out by the end of the weekend. They should be longer as well. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review, it is so appreciated!**

As we ran through the forest behind our home, my mind was on nothing but Xander, I tried to focus on the hunt, on my thirst. It felt as though I was being put into a trance, the soft thumping of Jacobs paws on the moist earth, the wind singing in my ears as I ran. I knew I couldn't deny my thirst, but I didn't want to be like this. For the first time in my life, I was embarrassed by my need for hunting. What would Xander think? I have always felt normal because all the people I love are the same as I am, Mom, Dad, Alice, Rose...even Jacob, but now I can feel the shame of what I am as I see Xander's bright blue eyes staring at me in my mind.  
I heard a whimper come through the trees, a whimper I knew so well and I stopped running. Jacob, as a man, came through the trees.  
"Ness, What is up with you? That doe was right in front of you, you could have easily tackled her. Are you hurt"  
"I'm fine." _Physically_. "I don't know Jake, I guess I am just not really in the mood to hunt you know"  
"But you haven't hunted since we got here 3 weeks ago"  
"I know, maybe as I get older, my need for blood is lessening, I don't know, it just seems like normal food is satisfying to me now." This wasn't completely true, it was satisfying enough, but there still was that thirst. Maybe I am just hoping that human food will be enough someday.  
"Normal? Ness, this is normal, for you, for your family. Is something wrong?" Jacobs dark eyes were filled with nothing but concern, as he held his hand to my face, his warmth overwhelmed me. I pressed his hand tighter to my face and showed him my classes, trying to convey that it was my school work that had me feeling a little off. I could feel the sting of a tear coming to my eyes, but not wanting to let Jacob see too much, see my shame, see Xander, I quickly turned away, running toward the house.  
I heard Jacobs paws training after me, keeping close, but giving me a little space.

As we came up to the house, I stopped outside the door, I knew I had to talk to Jacob again, just to put his mind at ease. "Jake, I'm sorry. I just feel so off right now, I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it's being here, away from everything I have ever known. I didn't think it would effect me since you are here, and Mom and Dad, but I don't know, it's just getting to me"  
As I finished my explanation, again trying to force back the tears that I knew were right under the surface, Jacobpulled me into his warm, safe embrace. I could feel his hot breath in my hair, and in his arms, I couldn't hold back any more. The tears released themselves, and I felt a great release. When the last tear fell, and my sobs subsided, Jacob pulled back, and cupped my face in his hands.  
"Ness, I just want you to be happy, and whatever you need to do to make that happen, I'll be here for you. If we need to go back to Forks, we can go. You don't need to be here, you can go to school where ever, and whenever, you want. Just tell me how I can make you happy"  
As I looked into his face, nothing but love and concern in his eyes, I knew I had to tell him the truth, and I knew that even if I did, he would still be here for me.  
"Jake, I think I just need a little space, that's all. I know I have been confusing, and I feel like my emotions have been all over the place. But I do care about you, nothing about that has changed, but i think I need some space to just find a little bit more of me. I want you here, but I just want you to know that I don't think things can be exactly th same, at least not right now, but in time. Just let me work myself out first." I could see the hurt in his eyes, and I stood on my tip toes to kiss his lips. A soft, gentle kiss that I hoped gave him the reassurance he needed.  
As I turned to go into the house, Jake just stood on the porch, in a stupor, and I wanted to turn around and take it all back, I wanted everything to be perfect, like it was before, but I knew that it couldn't be like that right now. I knew I had to explore myself, and I knew I couldn't keep thinking about Xander when I was with Jacob. I had to do what I did, and as I shut the door to my room, I shut the door to the chance to go back to Jacob and take back what I said. And while it hurt to think about what Jake might be going through, I felt a glimmer of hope coming through me as I thought about His blue eyes staring at me. For the first time since I looked into those eyes, my soul felt awake.


	11. Thirst

Chapter 11 - Thirst

As I sat on the bed, I heard Jacob howl, it was a painful, sad howl and I ran to the window. I saw the tip of his tail escape through the trees into the night. It hurt me to have hurt him, but I know he will understand, and I know, in the end, it will be better for us. I'll never have to wonder about the what ifs. I will know that I was able to find the person I am supposed to be. I heard a soft knock on the door and within seconds, Bella's cool arms wrapped around me.  
"I don't know what happened, but don't worry, he will be back. He just needs to work things out by himself right now." She whispered into my hair as a few tears stained the front of her blouse.  
Edward was in the room an instant later, adding to the embrace I was in with Bella. It felt nice. It was good to know that even though it might have felt like I was making a huge mistake, my family would be by my side, that they would help me discover exactly who I am, and hopefully, Jacob would help me get there too.  
The night didn't slip by dreamlessly as I had hoped. In my dreams, Jacob's black eyes were staring at me, with a hint of sadness in them, but then they changed into piercing blue eyes. The blue eyes were burning with something I hadn't felt before, strong desire. With Jacob, there was just always love, in one form or another, but this was different. As the blue eyes looked deep in my soul, there was fire, and they changed into evil, hate-filled, red eyes. These were the eyes I had only seen once in my life, and I was very young. The red eyes and their hate consumed the rest of my night. I tossed and turned, trying to get away from them, but they followed me throughout the night.

I woke the next morning, feeling as though I slept all of 10 minutes through out the night. But I had something to look forward too, I got to go to school, I would see Xander again. I decided that I wasn't going to be guilty about all of this, because, in the end, I was going to be better for Jacob, I would know that we were meant to be together. With that, I got ready and headed out to school, looking forward to lunch and eating human food more than I think I ever had. When I opened the garage door, I was shocked to see Jacob leaning against the side of it. He looked like he slept about as much as I did.  
"Jake, look, I'm really sor--" I tried to start but Jake pushed his finger against my lips.  
"Shhh, You don't have to say anything, I am the one who should be apologizing. I told you I would always be here for you, no matter what, and I wasn'tholding up my end last night. But I am here now, and I am not going anywhere. I'll be the friend you want me to be right now, and I'll be here whenever you need me. I love you Ness, but that love means a lot of things, and I can wait forever for you," He looked at me, and dropped his finger from my lips, "though I really hope I don't have to wait that long." He laughed a big, Jacob laugh, which put a smile on my face.  
"Ahh, I love the way your smile can light up your face," He softly lead his thumb along my jaw, "you need to go. But don't worry, just enjoy your life right now, find yourself, and I'll be here when you're done." With that, he dropped his hand and walked into the house.  
I climbed into the car with a renewed sense of relief. That feeling carried on through my drive, and I felt like I was beaming when I walked through the door to class. Xander wasn't there yet, but I sat next to the seat he usually occupies. As the professor shuffled in and the rest of the class filled in, the great feeling I had was now fading. Was he really just not going to show up. As the lecture started the realization that that was exactly his intent sunk in. I couldn't believe it! I tried to pay attention to the lecture, but all I could think about was him. I was hurt, then mad. What was it about him that was making me crazy. I thought about him all through class, and by the end, I had just the speech I was going to tell him off with. But I was stunned when I saw him waiting across the hall from the classroom, casually leaning.  
"Ready for lunch?" He said coolly "Lunch?" The speech that I had all prepared was gone, "Uh, yeah, Lunch, that will be good"  
He laughed a great musical laugh, "What, just because I didn't go to class you think I would blow you off"  
"Well, yeah, actually, I did." I blushed and looked down at my feet. Too embarrassed to look in those eyes.  
"I couldn't just leave you hanging...so let's go"  
As we walked toward the parking lot, I tried to gain my composure, I wanted to appear confident, just like he was, so I shook off the exchange we had in the hall and focused.  
"So do you often feel the need to ditch class?" I asked "When the feeling hits, yeah. I think it's healthy to ditch every now and then." He had a sly smile. That phrase caught me off guard, it was something I had heard before. I was going through all my memories trying to think of where I had heard that before.  
"Are you planning on walking? Or did you just forget what your car looks like?" Xander had stopped 5 steps behind me, he was standing in between my car and another. "Sorry, I was just thinking of something else. Do you want me to drive? I asked, trying to refocus on my demeanor.  
"Well, If you want, or I can drive, I'm parked right next to you"  
I noticed he was leaning against a sleek black BMW. "You can drive then" I smiled. I have found that most guys liked to drive when going places, and I wanted to be as pleasing as possible. I walked around to the passenger side of the car and slid in. Xander was already in and had the engine purring. His scent filled the car and it was intoxicating. I wanted to know where I had smelt it before, but nothing was coming to mind.

As we drove along the winding road to the diner, I tried to think of what to say. I didn't want to talk about the weather, that seemed to contrived. I figured school was safe.  
"So, what do you think about our class readings? It's nothing really all that new to me since my Mom is a bit of a bookworm, but it is still interesting, i think." Xander looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. "Did you really just want to talk about school?" He asked, a hint of a laugh in his voice.  
"I..uh...I was just trying to fill the silence." I responded. "Why? Does the silence bother you?" He retorted, teasing in a way.  
"No, not really, I am used to it in a way. I just didn't want you to feel weird or anything." I teased back, trying to not let myself get lost in his eyes, his voice.  
"Really? Used to it? Tell me about yourself." He seemed genuinely interested and curious.  
"I don't know what to say really. I lived in Washington my whole life (all 3 years of it, I thought to myself), I loved it there, almost my entire family lived in the same town. All my Aunts and Uncles, My Dad's parents lived there, and my Mom's dad lived there too"  
"So you grew up with everyone in our family all around you"  
"Yeah, I suppose it was a little different for you, since you were in the military and all"  
"Yeah, you are right, It was just me and my dad. My mom died in Childbirth, so it was just the two of us. Though all the other military guys acted like Uncles to me"  
"I'm sorry about your mom." I didn't know what else to say, I didn't know what the proper thing to say to someone who lost a parent was.  
"Thanks, it's not so bad, my Dad has tried to make up for it by being there whenever I needed him, so it's been pretty normal for me"  
With that, he turned the car into the parking lot. I felt excited by this chance to talk with someone new, it would interesting and exciting to hear about his world travels. Even though I haven't eaten, or drank, anything for sometime now, food was the last thing on my mind. My thirst was even at bay, because I was thirsting for now was to learn more about Xander.


	12. Mysterious

It's been a long time since I last wrote a chapter, and I am sorry to those who were following it. I just got too busy and it hasn't been on my mind...however, I think this is a pretty decent story line and it is a great exercise in writing fiction and I love it so I am going to keep writing! Enjoy and, as always, reviews are appreciated!

Chapter 12 - Mysterious

It was odd how rattled my insides felt around Xander. Several times I felt like I was holding my breath, so no reason other then not knowing what else to do. I have never felt so un-nerved by another human being, or supernatural being at that. What un-nerved me even more is I couldn't get enough if it. I have always had a way about me, a way to pull people in, and now it seems like I found someone who was immune to whatever it was that I possessed. Something like this should have made me want to stay away, logic told me it was silly to pursue something that was so uninterested in even being my friend, but there were small chinks in Xander's armour. Every so often, it seemed like his true self shone through the facade of disinterest. But the doubt that clouded my mind was maybe the kindness and curiosity was the facade. That he was humoring me for some reason. Whatever was going on with Xander, I was intrigued and wanted to wait around to figure out this mysterious person.  
The waitress set down our plates and the loud thunk in front of me broke me out of my reverie. I blushed as I realized I had no idea how long I was out of it. As I peeked through my lashes at Xander , trying to hide my embarrassment and trying to gauge if I missed much, I saw in his eyes the twinkle of amusement that I often saw in my own father's eyes when he caught a random thought from me that he found funny. I picked up my napkin to try to get back into the moment but I saw that Xander still had that glint in his eye.

"What are you thinking?" I innocently asked.

"I was just thinking how interesting you have turned out to be." He replied, clearly not wanting to elaborate without my prodding.

"What do you mean, turned out?" I asked, a little put out by what his response could be.

It seemed as though I triggered something that made him re-evaluate what his train of thought was.

"Oh, -- It's nothing, I mean, well...I just expected that someone as beautiful as you to be the kind of person who was constantly talking to try to make the attention always center on yourself, it's just been my experience. But instead it seems like you get lost in your own thoughts more then the average person, so I am a little surprised, that's all."

There was something in his answer that didn't seem to fit. Maybe it was the pause he took, and that flash of coldness I saw in his eyes when I asked the question, only to be replaced with warmth as quickly as it came. But lately, I haven't really been reading people all that great, so I didn't think much more beyond that, it must have been a change in the light that I caught.

"Well, I have found that the attention usually comes with or without me trying, The town I grew up in was pretty small, and so much of my family was around me, and I was the first grandchild, niece, everything, so I was pretty well taken care of. I guess I usually escape into my own thoughts partly because of all that attention."

"That makes sense, actually, you could have been describing me in fact, well, except the whole family part. But no matter where we went, it seemed like people were drawn to me, and that can get to be too much sometimes, so I usually retreated into my own thoughts as well."

I got an uneasy feeling because what he was saying was something like a page from my diary.

"Huh, I guess we're kind of alike in one way." I nervously laughed, the only response I could muster with this feeling in my stomach.

"One way? I bet there is more to us then that." He responded casually, challenging me to say more so we could compare our lives.

"I don't know, what do you think I could have in common with you?" I asked, throwing the ball back in his court to divulge information, knowing that I couldn't really say too much about my life. I didn't think he could relate to my vampire parents, werewolf friend/life mate, and utterly beautiful and eternally existing extended family.

"Well, I can go superficial and easy and say that we are both uncommonly good looking, but that is obvious and easy, isn't it?" He puckered his lips in thought while I blushed lightly at the compliment that I heard a million times but sounded different coming from his mouth.

"I think though, we both are far more uncommon then just in our looks, there is more to us then just that." He looked deep in my eyes and I searched in them, trying to see where he was going with this, knowing that he couldn't know the secrets I held. "No, there is something about us that no one can really quantify, it's in the pull that they feel to be near us." His eyes bearing into me, as though he was looking far past my exterior. " I have never really felt that pull to the people who were around me. Don't get me wrong, I love my father and the people I consider family, but there is something that pulls them to me, and I hadn't experienced that, until I met you. And I think it might be same for you. I think you feel a pull to me that you have never experienced."

He stopped, and just stared into my eyes while I tried to process what he was saying. He was right, People have always been drawn to me, as though they needed to be near the energy I put out, but I have never been drawn to others, until Xander . But how could he know this, how did he know about how uncommon I really am? A buzzing in my backpack brought me out of my confused state. I have never been more grateful for my cell phone. The distraction brought me back to reality.

"Oh, sorry Xander, do you mind if I get this?" I apologized as I rummaged through my bag.

"Not at all." He responded with a wave of his hand.

I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Alice. Worried that something was wrong in Forks, my heart raced as I flipped open the phone.

"Alice, is something wrong?"  
"Well...no, not yet at least, but I saw something disturbing and I need to talk to you."  
"About me? Well, it's not really a good time, I'm at lunch with a friend." I squirmed internally at the work 'friend.  
"Right, well, call me as soon as you can. Bye"  
With a click Alice was gone, it didn't sound like an emergency but the tone in her voice was a little odd.

"Sorry about that, it was just my aunt checking up on me." I mumbled as put my phone away.

"It's not a problem, look, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I think I need to get going." Xander said formally and when I looked in his eyes, I could see the cold, blue eyes that haunted my dreams.

"Oh, I am sorry about the phone call, I was having a nice time getting to know you." I said, trying to get the warm Xander back.

"Were you? You seemed to get a little lost in your head again at the end." The tone is his voice made it sound as though his hard side were trying to joke unsuccessfully. It sounded bitter.

"Sorry, I guess you just made me think with what you were saying and all." I tried to not sound hurt by the quick turn in personality, but it didn't seem like Xander would have noticed the hurt even if I had tears in my eyes.

The ride back to campus was silent, awkward, and rattling. As he pulled his car next to mine, I prepared myself to leave as quickly as possible. I knew that i was being stupid for pursuing this, it was clear that this Xander was just messing with me for some reason, he must be one of those people who observes people and then messes with their minds. I opened the doors and pushed myself and was startled that Xander did the same thing. A quick look in his eyes told me it was the friendly Xander I was going to talk to, I wasn't sure what to think of his mood swings.

"Ness, I'm sorry about snapping back there. I don't know..." He paused as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. "I guess I'm just feeling a little family-less right now, and you are so the opposite, I guess I just got a little jealous back there. But I do have to get going. Can we meet again sometime?"

I analyzed his demeanor and he seemed sincere enough. I couldn't imagine what he must feel like not having the family like I have.

"We'll see. I'll see in you class on Monday, Okay?" I didn't want to shut him down totally, but I was afraid at how well he knew me, and this after two conversations

"Sure, class. See ya." I could tell his was a little upset at my answer, but I was still processing everything we talked about to feel too bad. I would see him in a few days again anyway.

The drive home was filled with lip biting, and tight knuckles around the steering wheel. How did Xander know me so well?


End file.
